ill.

There are moments where I miss my mother like crazy, last night was one of them. I don't think I am alone in this one either, when I am sick I wish my mom was there to baby me and make me feel better. Sadly my mother lives 1000km away. 

So instead I curled up in my bed, took two rolaids and crossed my fingers that that would be it. I was wrong! At 1am I woke and moaned and groaned for a while trying to find a comfortable position to fall back asleep in, then realized that actually I should go to the bathroom to puke. There I sat for a few hours before slowly picking myself up and inching back to the bedroom.

(my little tool kit to fend off the nausea)

During this whole ordeal my Benjamin was so sweet to be the one who brought me my bucket and then some water and topped it off with a nice package of  rolaid chews. Poor guy slept on the couch, where he was often woken up by my lovely moaning sounds. He is such a trooper.

To put it casually I feel miserable and am now aching all over, but sometimes there are days like this where I feel like death, look like death and probably smell like death...even though I have had a shower.

Getting sick sucks, but it is life. Can I just cross my fingers and say that I hope it means I get tomorrow off. I don't think I can manage going shopping with a one and four year old.

P.S. I really miss my mommy.

Snow day...

Yesterday was beautiful. I woke up to snow, glorious snow! It was just a small token from home and boy, was it ever beautiful. So, I got the day off (people don't work when it snows here). I celebrated, I breathed it in, I was in a complete state of joy.

So I spent the day with my loves snuggled up on the couch drinking hot chocolate. Smiling as my heart melted over and over again. What luck I have, to be with this amazing man enjoying this amazing day. 

Rocco thought she would be a very cute model for me as I played with my camera some.

Oh I ate it all up! It was pure bliss. Then came the icing, something I have been looking forward to for months! We put on our snow-pants and jackets, I wore my toque and boots and we walked out into the snow to make a SNOWMAN! I'd like you all to meet Bill Clinton...

( or as named by Ben "a Bourgeois Buffoon")

This morning though, I woke up to the sound of my alarm clock ringing and although it was a great day today, and still shows signs of bliss, I am totally living as if it was yesterday again and still feeding off that icing. I think that is what the past is for, it is what fuels you in the pursuit of joy!

Three Months From Now

(written on January. 1, 2011)

Three months from now I am going to be healthier, stronger, and have the ability to will myself into who I want to be. I will be making my meals, I'll be taking care of my body and only allowing the best into it.

Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honour God with your bodies. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

I understand that this passage is written about sexual immorality but, I believe that it can even go as far as health. Our body is God's temple, therefore I should keep God's temple clean from unhealthy things not only physically, mentally, and emotionally, but also in context of food. I should not allow my body to become filled with junk. I should not allow myself to get away with gaining an immense amount of weight and chalk it up to being stress. God has the power to move mountains, therefore he has the power to help me change.

In three months I hope to be in a place where I am more physically fit and have the willpower to continue even when I feel like giving up. In three months I should be healthier in all ways, and through this gain security in myself, in who I am.

I Am.

Today is my birthday, January first that is, and when I sat down and started writing I wanted to write something winning, witty, something smart, something that showed wisdom. I tried three or four times but everything that came out sounded wrong. So here I sit trying to type out something that resembles at least on of the above.

This past year I have been through a lot. I've been through losing a job, starting a new job, moving (1000 km away), starting yet another job and becoming the breadwinner. All that typed out does not give it justice at all. Believe me is sounds a lot nicer on here than it was in real life. 

In all these life changes I've learned a lot about myself.

I am brave, strong, and courageous. I am resilient. 




I am authentic. I am loyal. I am creative.

I am passionate, yet sometimes quite stoic.

I am able to continue learning and growing and picking up new hobbies.

I am worthy. 

And probably one of the things that I am still learning but I have found very important these past few months. I am capable and I wont let people tell me otherwise. I wont let my age, my amount of education, or even myself hold me back from what I can do or will do. I wont be defined by those things. I am so much more than numbers, I am so much more than words, and I am worth it. I wont let what I am define who I am.

At bottom every man knows well enough that he is a unique being, only once on this earth; and by no extraordinary chance will such a marvelously picturesque piece of diversity in unity as he is, ever be put together a second time.  ~Friedrich Nietzsche