Catching up. 20 & 21.

The last week and a half has been chaotic and well, things happened that made posting Isla's portrait from last week fairly challenging so, I am posting two portraits today. One from this past week and one from the week before.

A Portrait of my daughter, once a week, every week, in 2014.

20/52

Isla: You may have the sweetness nap time hair I ever did see. It seems to wake up happy. Just like you!

21/52

Isla: Finally home from our crazy adventure, having fun with daddy in the front yard blowing dandelions. Mom had fun trying out pigtails in your hair for the first time.

Linking up with Jodi.


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As mentioned above this past week (+) has been a chaotic one. Last Saturday, May 17th, Isla and I left on what was supposed to be a wee weekend adventure. We were going to join Ben up at a Young Life Conference just outside of Princeton. We arrived in Princeton at around noon. Isla was happy to be out of the car and was quite enjoying all the people and new things, she was also very happy to see her dad.

Early Sunday morning, around 3am, I woke up with a LOT of pain and nausea and sat over the toilet trying to puke for about an hour. After nothing came of it I thought I'd try to get back to sleep, maybe I could sleep it off. I woke up and still felt quite ill but thought that maybe breakfast would settle my stomach. After breakfast, around 8:45am, I started walking back up to our room and ended up stopping several times because my side was aching so much.

Long story short I ended up having an emergency appendectomy that night, Sunday May 18th, at about 8:00pm.

We were very fortunate to have friends who lived in the town where I had the procedure and Ben and Isla were able to stay with them. We did the big drive home on Wednesday May 21st, and were finally back home on Thursday.

We have been so very taken care of and feel so fortunate to have such an amazing and caring community surrounding us. We are truly thankful to all those who have made this time of challenge so much easier. God has definitely shown us his love through those who have helped us through this.

Pacing.

(written on Thursday, February 13, 2014) 

the ground beneath me is sinking as I pound my feet walking back and forth, hoping my wee child will eventually grow tired and exhale a deep sigh, casting relief on both of us.

Her poor body trembles in my arms as it suffers its first cold. Her wee lungs cough and her body shakes, what is she to do with this new and unpleasant sensation. She cries and big tears roll down her cheeks, I pace.

Back and forth.

Back and forth.

I rub her back whispering sweet nothings in her ear. I tell her she is so very loved. Singing as I sway and walk.

4:30 am quickly rolls through and becomes 6:30 and I finally am able to lay her head to rest in her bed. My legs are stiff, aching, tired. My body longs for rest. I walk to my room and lay myself out on the bed, sleep falls upon me like gravity and all to quickly is taken away.

A cough.

A cry.

My baby awakes. Again she heaves her aching lungs and fills the house with her own little earthquake. I roll over hoping I just imagined such a sound. Again she cries. I force myself out of bed, her cries pull me to her room. She sees me and her face fills with relief as she heaves heavy breaths, her bottom lip bulges in the most heart wrenching pout. 
I rock her in my arms.

Back and forth. 

As we walk the small hall back to my bedroom. She pulls herself into me nestling her head against my chest, and nurses. She is rhythmic. Her poor nose so congested she struggles as she nurses, latching and re-latching as she soothes herself with my milk. I stroke her hair and cheek, damp with tears and sweat. It was a hard night. As she nurses she slowly slips back to sleep. She is mine, I am hers.

Truth.

Yesterday. I was sitting in a group of women, completely dazed and rather hazy as the sleep deprivation was settling in. I turned to my friend and smiled, then she asked, "How are you doing?" sympathetically, as she picks up on my cues before I do sometimes and....I started to cry.

Truth. I am broken. I am exhausted. I am tired of being tired. I am NOT enough.

So often I've heard things like, "God wont give you more than you can handle." I think that is absurd. So often we are given more than we can handle and we have to humbly let go and ask him, and others, for help. So, yesterday I cried. I knew I wasn't enough. I looked into my sweet, sometimes stubborn, little girls eyes and knew that I couldn't be enough, and that is okay.

It is okay that my house is sometimes a disaster, that sandwiches are sometimes all I have to offer, that dinner isn't always ready at 5:00 and most often we eat around 6:45. I don't have to be perfect and trying to be is just too draining. Asking people for help is something that becomes necessary. So, after having a good cry and telling my friend how my once easy, sleep through the night baby had been rather hard and thought sleeping through the night was for chumps, I went home and talked to be hubby and told him I needed a break. We talked things through, and figured things out, and last night....my Isla decided to go to bed without a fuss and only woke up twice during the night.

Sometimes we need to confess we are broken, that we don't have it all figured out, and we are freed and lifted up and encouraged. And, as my friend said it, "You are now part of the mommy club." Thank God I am broken. Also, sometimes all you need is a good cry and a good friend. 

Giving Thanks.

I have grown up in a place where I always have so much to be thankful for, this year is no exception. I live a charmed life and God has poured his blessings on me, not to say we don't have heart-ache (we do) but, his blessings far outweigh the strife and struggles.

This year I am thankful for my amazing husband. He is such an amazing man, he loves me through and through. His love for our daughter is amazing. Watching him love on our child is the closest I have ever been to heaven. It truly shows me how remarkable we must be loved by our father God. He plays with her, he laughs with me, he fills my life with such love and fun. I am pleased to be able to call my husband and partner in parenting. I am thankful that I am his wife and he is my husband.

I am thankful for my daughter. That God blessed us with a child that we may teach and help her prosper and grow, and by doing so we too will prosper and grow. I am thankful that she is such a happy and content child, that she loves playing, lives for a good laugh, and enjoys people and snuggling up close to me. I am thankful that she is healthy, and that I too am healthy and have recovered from pregnancy easily without any issues.

I am thankful for her giggles, her smile, her growls, and pretty much at the sounds that come out of her. I am thankful for her curiosity, and her cleverness; I love that she excitedly learns and looks forward to trying new things. I am thankful that she is so very social and loves attention from those around her, and demands it if she isn't given it.

(the oh-so necessary photo of Isla) 

I am thankful for our amazing family. That they are so loving and supportive. That they care for us and lift us up in prayer regularly. That we were both given a loving childhood, and grew up knowing a loving God. I am thankful for the opportunity I had to be an individual and was not forced to do things because it was the "norm". I am thankful that both Ben and I had mom's and dad's that set a good example of parenthood and marriage. We are truly blessed.

I am thankful for our community. We have an amazing group of friends around us, who have essentially become family. They are fun, and full of love. They have loved on us, and on our Isla. They have opened up their home, and hearts to us. They pray for us, and listen to us, and they care about us. I am so very thankful that we have such amazing love surrounding our little family.

I am thankful that we have an amazing God that has showered us with love. We have been so blessed and I am in awe of how he has showed us how much he loves us. He has taken care of us and I am constantly thrown by how much he does for us.

What an amazing year it has been, so very filled with blessings. So much to be thankful for.

6 Months.

Yesterday Isla turned six months old.

She thinks it is pretty funny. We think it has come way to quickly.She brings us so much joy and is so full of joy. We are happy, even on the days where she is teething and we are all a little tired.

I look through photos and see how much she has grown already and it is unbelievable, when you are there with her everyday there are times where you see great progress and growth and learning;other times you look back and you see something that happen so slowly that she has accomplished, but you didn't even really realize it was happening. Life is an amazing thing and watching a life you created grow is so remarkable, God truly is amazing. We look forward to seeing her grow and watching the little person she becomes.

Who is Isla, well here is a brief description of some of who she is and what she likes at 6 Months: She loves Rocco the cat, or any cat really. She loves playing "Where is Isla?" A.K.A Peek-a-boo. She knows when a camera is pointed at her and puts on a sweet little smile or act just for it. It is sweet. She is so sweet. She loves her soother but, if need be will use her thumb. She would be completely naked all the time if she could be. She is not to fond of tummy time, but is finding it a little more tolerable as of late. She likes pulling mom's hair, clothes, especially when nursing. She prefers sleeping on her right side, and if you don't put something in her hands when you are putting her to bed she is very likely to pull out her soother and then cry when she can't find it. She laughs easily, which makes many people VERY happy. She talks a LOT. If she wants your attention she will squawk until she gets it, she is very social. If she is feeling shy she will nuzzle into mommy's chest, which mommy things is the cutest. Above all she is loved so very completely. She is loved by an amazing father who just can't get enough of her. She is loved by a heavenly father who made her perfectly her.

Carrying Isla

While pregnant, even before I was pregnant I spent hours researching and trying out a multitude of different strollers. For some reason the stroller was extremely important to me, it had to be perfect. I imagined myself strolling along with my wee babe perched perfectly in my stroller. I finally found the most perfect of strollers, a phil and teds, and was thrilled when people decided to help us purchase it. It is fantastic. It is compact and easy maneuver, it can climb over some pretty difficult terrain, yet it is pretty and glides through the mall with style. It has it's uses.

Once Isla was born though, I wanted to hold her; Don't get me wrong there are times that a stroller is easier, more useful, but the way I wanted to nurture my wee little lady was by holding her in my arms. I had wanted to be a mommy for years, I longed after it for so long that once it finally was my turn I gleamed in it. I loved being pregnant and knowing that there was a little person growing in me, she was always with me, and I didn't want that to end once she was born. It was so natural for me to carry her, her body swooned in my arms and molded like clay against my body. And so I carry her.

I wrap her little body against mine and walk with her, swaying as she envelops the world around her completely allured by the trees, the leafs, the sounds of birds singing, yet safe and close to me, mommy. She knows my sway, my gate is familiar to her, she felt it while she lived inside me. My heart beat pounding against her body is a rhythm she fell asleep to. I am her carrier.

She will only be small for a short while, someday she wont want me close, so while she does I will have her against me where I can smell her hair and breath in her breath. I will use the stroller when I need to but my baby will not be a baby for long. I am her home, and she is my heart.

Heirloom

Yesterday Isla and I had a most delightful visit with two of my Aunts and my Oma. They came by ferry to spend the day with us and deliver a most beautiful gift. While pregnant, shortly after I found out I was going to be having a wee girl, I called my Oma up with a request; My Oma does fabulous crochet pieces and I was hoping, if she had the time, she would make my wee girl a Christening gown to wear to her dedication. So my Oma found the perfect shade of yellow, and started working on my little girls gown. It was a gift that needed to be given in person, and so it was.

Isla happily modeled the beautiful gown outside as we all cooed over her. This beautiful gown although new I already think of as an Heirloom. What a perfect and precious gift for Isla made for her by her Great Oma. This is a dress that will be held in such high value because of the though and love put into it, it will be something that will be cherished and passed down to further generations. What love was stitched into this precious piece.

I am now so looking forward to finally throwing her dedication ceremony. Having our community of friends come together and celebrate her and also promise to care for her and help us raise her in a way that is pleasing to the Lord. We are so very blessed.

A Mom.

 I've started and restarted and erased and just struggled to write a post. How can I even begin to describe how amazing and life changing becoming a mom has been. Even now, almost three months later, I look at my little girl and wonder, "How is it that I am so blessed?". My life is not my own anymore, I am constantly caring for someone else and it is the best thing I have ever experienced. Yes, there are moments when it is tough but, even then I look into her eyes as she gazes up at me and I am overcome by an intense fierce love I have never known before. She is mine. So here I sit in my living room with my wee girl sleeping in her Moses basket as her favorite song plays on repeat as it helps her fall asleep. Being a mommy has been amazing.

And because words are hard for me to write...and to be honest my baby has woken up and needs me. I will leave you with some favorite pictures.

Traditions.

Christmas is just around the corner and I am eagerly anticipating being back home with my family. I have been looking forward to going for quite sometime now and as it draws near I gleam with excitement! It is going to be so delightful.

Christmas has always been pretty huge in my family. I want to clarify  by huge I don't mean mountains full of presents - although some years there were - I mean we did things and they were big, important, HUGE. We made traditions as children and we continued them. I hope that we are able to create the same exciting atmosphere in our household with our wee one.
It all started at the beginning of December. We would take the decorations out from the attic and we would decorate the tree, there would inevitably be an argument at some point about what should go where and which of our Angles we wanted on top. In the end though, we were all happy and we had a beautiful tree. This year my little sister, the youngest, worked hard to decorate the tree all by herself as there are only two still living at home and Paul was not that interested. I am excited to see how she put it all together.

(As per usual, we always had to make at least one snowman)

The rest of our traditions besides the random making of cookies with mom, and the drinking eggnog with dad, fell on the 24th. It started by going to Church and watching/participating in the live nativity play (or whatever show the Sunday school decided to put on that year), followed by the candle lighting and ending with desserts. We would then drive around as a family and go to the places with the best lights. By the time we got home the Fire Stations Santa was just driving past and we would all wave as he past by our windows.

The late evening was my favorite part. The first year this started by my mom giving all us kids BIG boxes, and we all decorated them to look like a Christmas village and we fell asleep in them in the basement watching Christmas Specials. It has changed a wee bit since. Unfortunately, we can't all fit in boxes anymore. Now we buy a bunch of sweets, head down stairs in our Christmas PJ's and watch our new Christmas Movies (we each get a new one every year) while trying to fall asleep in the basement as our parents wrap gifts upstairs.

I am so excited to join my brothers and sisters this year and can't wait to start creating our own traditions with the wee one next year!

What are some traditions that you have with your family? 

My Hope has come.

I am not someone who typically looks backward, I feel like it just doesn't make sense when there is so much to look forward to. Occasionally though, it is important to look back to see how far you've come. That is where I am right now.

At this time last year things were pretty hard, we were going through lots and life wasn't easy. There were moments where things looked pretty miserable. Our love for one another was strong, but there was some brokenness inside both of us. I had just recently finished a job and was working a temp position with no employment opportunity on the horizon. I was so insecure and was feeling very lack luster. I just had no idea or direction.

Ben was dealing with final exams, and papers were stacking up. He was stressed and it really didn't help that it was looking as though I was going to be coming back home after the holidays with no job.

We were both hurting. I was crying a lot. I was asking God "Why?" questioning what he was doing in our lives. Was this necessary?  To be honest, I still wonder sometimes if what we went through was necessary. We learnt through it, he held us his precious ones. Hard things come, the world isn't perfect, even God hadn't planned for it to turn out this way but, with God's strength we endure and we grow. 

Now, a year has passed. We have such amazing Hope. God has given us an amazing gift and we are so looking forward to meeting the sweet child he is working to knit together inside me. God has melted my sadness, and even in the midst of the pain last year he was teaching me to cherish the moments. 

I pray that we will remember that time of pain and build into our child the lessons we learnt during the hurt. That we will have a great affection for the moments of bliss and cherish the small things. That we will rely on God to be our strength and also allow God to build into our child those same lessons, even if it means they too have to deal with hurt. That we will give our child to God and trust him to teach this precious one. 

Enjoy. December.

December is here and Christmas is right around the corner. I love this time of the year, I love the decorations, the lights, the music, I love the crisp air and the frost around the windows. I don't even mind the mall shopping, I know I'm crazy right! I am almost all done the shopping and only have a few small things to pick up.

Months are coming and going so very quickly and so very soon our wee one will be here. There is still much to do, the nursery is a chaotic mess, there is still a lot of organizing to do around the house, and I have yet to really research maternity leave. For now though, I will try and enjoy the month, the season, and moments. We only have a few short months left of being a family of two. I know I will love my life as a family of three but how precious are these moments in our family of two.

Lets enjoy this season and remember what it really is about. A Saviour. Jesus Christ came as a baby with a plan to save us. Save me, my husband, and even my unborn child. Lets spread this amazing love, let us lead the example that God gave us through Jesus. In the hustle and bustle of the season let us remember the baby born in a barn and his gift to the world.

I pray you breath in this Christmas season and surround yourself in the love that this season is about. I hope you enjoy the baking, the parties, the stories and time with family. I hope you create and enjoy past traditions and build memories that will last a life time. Be cheerful in the line up at the stores, enjoy the moments when you are surrounded by strangers in the mall and share smiles while finding the perfect gift for a loved one. Celebrate this season!

While we will be celebrating our last Christmas as a family of two, I pray you too will Celebrate your Christmas...however you have it. Maybe you could share some traditions with me? As I am so excited about creating traditions with my wee one next Christmas.

Groans and Growth.

It is becoming winter. There is a chill in the air that is biting and frost grows thick on the grass in the evening. My belly grows and groans as the child inside me consumes more and more space within my body. Time is passing so quickly, soon enough my wee one will be in my arms and not my belly. I am trying to enjoy each moment of my pregnancy, each kick, hiccup, small moment alone to talk with my wee one. I love the hands of the wee ones I work with as they gently touch my belly saying hi to the small one inside. They use names we've given it and excitedly anticipate it's arrival in "March". Oh how this child is loved.

I read to the wee one in the evening before I go to bed, something I plan to continue as it grows outside of me. That moments peace where I just lay comfortable in my bed surrounded by the warmth of my room. How precious these moments are.

Sometimes I look at my husband and I can already see him as a father. He loves so sweetly and cares so deeply. I am so enjoying these last few months of being two before this wee third comes along, but excitedly anticipate watching him with our child. He will be so great.

My dear child, you are so very loved.

Thankful.

It is that time of year again. The leaves are falling the air is crisp and the mornings raise with a chill in the air. It is lovely, beautiful, and such a time of reflection. I so enjoy the fall.

This morning I slept in, which is not something I do typically, as I woke up I turned over and grabbed my water bottle to drink. Just a moment later my little baby rolled inside me letting me know that it too was awake. I put my hand on my belly to see if I could feel it on the outside and as it moved inside me. I felt it's movements roll over my hands. Bliss.

This year we have so much to be thankful for. God has blessed us abundantly. So this weekend we celebrated. My brother has just recently moved to study at a University near by and we were so happy that we were able to have him join us this weekend. We relaxed, we ate, we watched movies, and just enjoyed each others company.

This weekend was filled with such love. We were loved on by others and shared our love with those we care about. We had dinner with friends and family, had a date with one another, and experienced life to the full.

So, this Thanksgiving I am thankful. I am thankful for my amazing husband who does such a great job loving me. I am thankful for my amazing family who has shown me what love is and does so much for me. I am thankful for friends who have become like family here. I am thankful for my jobs and how I get to do something I am great at. I am thankful for this amazing child growing inside me. Finally, I am thankful that I have such a loving and amazing Father God who cares so much about my life and blesses me so abundantly.

I am blessed and I am thankful.

Growing.

As I child I was always so excited to grow up. I would dream about my life, my future, how someday I would be taller and older, how someday I would be a wife, and how someday I would be a mom. I always dreamed about being a mom. I dreamed about the child I would have, what it would look like, what my husband would look like. How remarkable it is now, my life, where I am right now, is the stuff of dreams. This is what I wanted as a child, I always wanted this. I always wanted a quaint house with character, I wanted a husband who loved me so deeply, I wanted to grow a child inside me.

Growing. I have grown, I am growing, my child is growing. Yet, I am struck with how very fragile life is. I have already written my hopes and dreams on this child and it is only the size of a baseball. How remarkable life is, we all start out so small, so fragile, so easily broken, yet we are all so important and we all have a role.

As my body grows to accommodation this child I am continually reminded of how significant we all are. How even though we were all once just the size of a poppy seed, even then Jesus died for us. My child is already one of Gods children. How remarkably loved by God we are, we are all his precious children. We have all grown in the palm of his hand. He has plans for us, hopes for us, and dreams for each and every one of us. How perfectly loved we all are.

Hello.

I swear I didn't forget. I've just been rather busy. I've been out of town for the past two weekends and I am finally home, and it will hopefully stay that way for a while.

Life gets away from me sometimes and I am instead left with chaos. So, I am just trying to work through the chaos and get myself re-organized. Lainey Organized....Ha....a wee bit of an oxymoron there. I am getting better at it though.

We have been really blessed this past month, God has really shown us himself in such cool ways. He has been caring for us and loving on us and it has been great. He opened a door and I am now working in a job that I absolutely love, it was totally a God thing. He keeps pouring into our lives. We are excited to see the plans he has for us in this coming year and are eagerly anticipating.

Blessings,

Some Truths....

Truth: Being married is awesome! Truly, I love being married and I wouldn't have it any other way. I have a loving husband who is completely taken by me and whom I am completely taken by.Truth: Being married is HARD. That is another truth and often times is forgotten or left out. Being married takes a lot of work and give-and-take, it is a constant work in progress. You can never just "get it" when it comes to being married, as soon as you "get it" you inevitably get hit with a hard ball of truth and you realize you never really got it to begin with. It is almost as though this ebb and flow of waves just goes through your life. Things start to get smooth, life is simple, and then....it is not. 

These past few weeks have been a hard ball. Not to say I ever really thought I understood, I didn't and I still don't, it is just some truth: Life has been rather hard lately. I wouldn't say our marriage is suffering, but I wouldn't say it isn't either. We are in a state of discomfort and stress and it is starting to get to both of us. Well, starting is an understatement. It started a few months back, the mid to end of October. We have both been dealing with an immense amount of stress and we deal with it differently. It has taken it's toll. 

Our lives have been very segregated as Ben finishes up his semester, and at the time being that is just how it has to be. I am a distraction to him while he writes papers so I've been spending most of my time away from him, and the home. Most of my evenings I either spend at the gym or at Ben's parents place. Both are lovely and positive things and I really don't mind at all. I go to bed before him, I wake up before him, and I leave to work just as he begins to get up. Our longest conversations are in text message, and even those are pretty short. I just miss my husband and I look forward to things getting back to a somewhat "normal" state. (We really don't have a normal, things turn upside-down on us all-the-time!) 

Truth: Marriage is tough but it is definitely worth the work. Even though life has been tough and we have had to deal with some not so awesome things I wouldn't change it. It is our life, our story, our journey, and our marriage and I enjoy just being able to be his wife. Someday life might be a different kind of hard and I will look back on these days with fondness; Just as right now I look forward to those days with eager anticipation. I think of myself as lucky because, at least I have a partner through these tough times and I don't have to deal with it all on my own.

just some words.

Sometimes I feel like I have to have a reason to write other than the fact that I want to write. I sometimes feel like I have to have something smart to say or some sort of epiphany. I know it is silly, who has those kind of moments on a regular basis. So today I am writing because I want to write. I may not write something of meaning but, I will write.

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I am exhausted, and have been for days. Getting back to routine is hard and has taken it's toll on me. I am sick with a cold. You can find me sniffing and sneezing while slowly piling tissues around me. My eyes are puffy, and rather itchy. My nose is redder than usual, which means I looks something like a clown. I am rather pale, I went from my normal eggshell color to an ivory. You will catch me blinking myself awake every few minutes. Yet, I am feeling blessed to even have this be a situation because a few weeks back I didn't even know if I had a job. So I am happily excepting this illness and trying really hard not to allow myself to get grumpy because in all honesty being sick is a good thing, it means I am back with the kids getting sick from them and getting paid for it.

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I am missing my mom. She is super busy and has dove into a new thing and is loving it. I just can never get a hold of her and it is starting to get me. I can only go so long without talking to her, I will eventually go a wee bit crazy, lets hope it doesn't get to that point. 

We used to have such a hard time carrying a conversation because we were so similar we would butt heads all the time. Now though, she is probably one of my closest friends. Not to say we don't have a mother-daughter relationship, we do, it is just so much more than that. I miss her.

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Talking about missing people reminds me of my girls. I've mentioned here and there about how I volunteer the an organization called Young Life, well I really miss the girls from my old town who I mentored and eventually built friendships with. I will never forget them. All of them have had an important impact in my life and I can only hope I've had a positive impact on their lives as well. All of them have grown so much and it has been a pleasure and a blessing to watch them grow from girls into women. 

I miss them. They are all so beautiful, both inside and out. I miss photographing them. Some have been part of my life for five years, some two, some less, all have impacted my life. Not only have I watched them grow but, they too have watched me grow. Many saw Ben and I's relationship go from friends, to dating, to engaged and attended my wedding. Some, are putting bets on when we will have our first child. I miss them, I miss talking about life with them. I miss hearing about what they are doing, planning, thinking, feeling, I miss them.

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Happy Friday. Have a fabulous weekend. I enjoy writing about my thoughts and letting them trail off into words. Thanks.

The Last Week of Summer.

I know that technically summer doesn't end till September 23rd. Once school starts though summer seems to quickly dwindle away into sweet nothingness and we are left waiting till the quiet signs of the next summer. Oh, how I wish summer could last just a little longer and that reality would slowly emerge rather than hit me hard in the forehead. Sadly, the first week of school - Ben's school - passed and it hit rather hard. 

There is now a new array of books piled throughout the house, littering the carpet and bed; I know that slowly they will start taking over and I will soon have to compete for any attention. Binders are stacked, the desk is fairly organized and instead of talking about different adventures we are talking about school schedules and supplies. Is it alright to say that I look forward to it being the end come April? Not to say I hate this phase I really don't, this phase has probably done us the most growing, I just look forward to it being over and starting on a new one.

All said, we did spend the last "not real" week of summer in a grand way. We went somewhere that has become a tradition of ours. We have gone there every summer we have been together. We spent the last week of summer at my grandparents cabin. Typically we have gone alone, because typically a vacation means going out of town leave those in town behind, but this year we met up with my family. It was joyous! 

(Starting Left: Paul,17, Michael,19, Me, Kirsten,24, Jessica,15, and Toby the dog)

We spent our time lazing about the cabin reading and playing games, occasionally taking a quick dip in the lake, and we even had a campfire. The sweet smell of smoke combine with the sweet taste of s'mores...so good. We sipped beers, ate Oreo's, and just genuinely enjoyed one another's company. It was pure bliss. I even got to enjoy a good gushy romance novel without feeling too guilty about it!

So now that we are back to reality and things are beginning to sink in, stress is higher, life is faster, and things need to be done, I can occasionally stop take a deep breath and know that I spent my "not last" week of summer enjoying the best company out there....my family. I can close my eyes and remember Ben playing the guitar as we tried to sing "Free Falling" by Tom Petty. I can remember running off the dock and feeling the cool water sink over my body and that moment of weightlessness as my body slowly rises to the surface searching for sunlight. I can smell the sweet fragrance that comes to me when I take my first step into the cabin. I can remember these things and be taken back there just for that moment then, when I come back to reality, I can let that stress melt off me and feel free...at least for a little while.

Excited.

I don't know why, I don't really have a selective reason but, I am excited. I guess just seeing how far we have come and being able know that with Ben's schooling the end is in sight just excites me. I am so excited about what our future has in store and I so look forward to enjoying every little moment as we grow old together, learning new things, trying new things, and becoming more and more in love.

Life hasn't always been easy for us, goodness it still isn't, but knowing that we have one another has always been an encouragement. We have been so fortunate.

Yesterday Ben took me out longboarding for my first time. He encouraged me, and helped me the whole way through, never pushing me to hard and allowing me to go at my own pace. I slowly was able to balance on the board, soon I was able to push myself on the board, and after an hour I was able to balance, push off, and stop myself, all while talking, for me that is an accomplishment. Something isn't worth learning if you can't talk while doing it.

While I boarder along in the parking lot we talked. We talked about how fortunate we are in that we have a loving and committed relationship and we are still young. Many people aren't able to find love until they are much older. We reminisced about our past year in a new place, officially a year on September 12. We talked about our hopes for our future.

I just feel so blessed to have someone I am so completely compatible with, who loves me through and through. I feel so blessed that I get to grow old with this amazing man. I feel so blessed that someday we will be able to parent together and watch as a child we created together grows and learns, and we too with it.

I am excited. What are you excited for?

It is Him.

He has been my husband, my groom, for two years now. I feel like such a lucky lady. I still remember walking down the isle towards him, the man of my dreams, it was one of the happiest moments of my life.

Ben, you are fantastic. Our life together has been an amazing adventure and I have been loving it. I look forward to what life has in store for us and can't imagine going through any of it without you. You are my rock, my confidant, my all and I love you more and more each day. You are amazing. I love you.