The Fall Slow Down.

I wont lie, I have never been a great fan of fall. I' never really enjoyed it. Fall meant that summer was over and school was to begin. I was one of those kids who actually didn't really look forward to school starting up. This year, although it has been tough to get back to a routine, I am enjoying fall.

I am enjoying the crisp clean air. I am enjoying the days darkening and mornings slowly arising as if it is a surprise every time. I like curling up with my knitting and feeling as though it fits.

 My music is slowing down as I prepare for the inevitable lethargic winter to arrive and cover me like a blanket, knit with memories of home. My words feel the need to be more like a written letter, slow, thoughtful, romantic. I am slowing down.

I want to nuzzle in and love on my hubby. I want to be close to people who love me and be loved on. I want to enjoy the slowing down that is fall. I want to capture these precious moments and bottle them up so I can sip on them throughout.

I think fall is supposed to be a great slow down. I think it is time where you move from the party that was summer. I think it the time where you take a tally on things and measure and nod and allow yourself to do nothing because you feel less like you are missing out on something. I mean after a big party you need time to recuperate, and that is Fall. Fall is quiet. Fall is slow. Fall is absolutely thee most perfect thing to happen after summer, and I am totally enjoying it. I am enjoying the great slow down.


I'm going to get some tea to sip on while I breath in this amazing season.
Enjoy.

In regards.

I remember the day I decided to start a blog I really had no reason to start other than the fact that I admired those who had blogs and I though, well it isn't that hard to get into doing the same. I remember writing that I would be completely authentic in what I write and I believe that I have been. I am inspired by honesty and those who are authentic. That said, I do believe it is important to have a sense of anonymity as well and I have not allowed myself to give people, including myself, away in a way that would cause them grief. 

I am an open book type person. People can tell within seconds how I am doing; People can read me in a way that sometimes causes me to be uncomfortable, yet I don't know how to change this about myself. My mother has always said that I am completely authentic and am completely unable to put up an act. I just can't do it. So I write what I mean. I don't sugar coat it, I don't put drama into it, I write it in reality to me.

I still want to have a bit of anonymity, so there are things I will not disclose. Most of the time I still write how I feel, I just don't always say why. I just thought I needed to have this all out there in writing.

Cheers,

just some words.

Sometimes I feel like I have to have a reason to write other than the fact that I want to write. I sometimes feel like I have to have something smart to say or some sort of epiphany. I know it is silly, who has those kind of moments on a regular basis. So today I am writing because I want to write. I may not write something of meaning but, I will write.

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I am exhausted, and have been for days. Getting back to routine is hard and has taken it's toll on me. I am sick with a cold. You can find me sniffing and sneezing while slowly piling tissues around me. My eyes are puffy, and rather itchy. My nose is redder than usual, which means I looks something like a clown. I am rather pale, I went from my normal eggshell color to an ivory. You will catch me blinking myself awake every few minutes. Yet, I am feeling blessed to even have this be a situation because a few weeks back I didn't even know if I had a job. So I am happily excepting this illness and trying really hard not to allow myself to get grumpy because in all honesty being sick is a good thing, it means I am back with the kids getting sick from them and getting paid for it.

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I am missing my mom. She is super busy and has dove into a new thing and is loving it. I just can never get a hold of her and it is starting to get me. I can only go so long without talking to her, I will eventually go a wee bit crazy, lets hope it doesn't get to that point. 

We used to have such a hard time carrying a conversation because we were so similar we would butt heads all the time. Now though, she is probably one of my closest friends. Not to say we don't have a mother-daughter relationship, we do, it is just so much more than that. I miss her.

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Talking about missing people reminds me of my girls. I've mentioned here and there about how I volunteer the an organization called Young Life, well I really miss the girls from my old town who I mentored and eventually built friendships with. I will never forget them. All of them have had an important impact in my life and I can only hope I've had a positive impact on their lives as well. All of them have grown so much and it has been a pleasure and a blessing to watch them grow from girls into women. 

I miss them. They are all so beautiful, both inside and out. I miss photographing them. Some have been part of my life for five years, some two, some less, all have impacted my life. Not only have I watched them grow but, they too have watched me grow. Many saw Ben and I's relationship go from friends, to dating, to engaged and attended my wedding. Some, are putting bets on when we will have our first child. I miss them, I miss talking about life with them. I miss hearing about what they are doing, planning, thinking, feeling, I miss them.

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Happy Friday. Have a fabulous weekend. I enjoy writing about my thoughts and letting them trail off into words. Thanks.

The Last Week of Summer.

I know that technically summer doesn't end till September 23rd. Once school starts though summer seems to quickly dwindle away into sweet nothingness and we are left waiting till the quiet signs of the next summer. Oh, how I wish summer could last just a little longer and that reality would slowly emerge rather than hit me hard in the forehead. Sadly, the first week of school - Ben's school - passed and it hit rather hard. 

There is now a new array of books piled throughout the house, littering the carpet and bed; I know that slowly they will start taking over and I will soon have to compete for any attention. Binders are stacked, the desk is fairly organized and instead of talking about different adventures we are talking about school schedules and supplies. Is it alright to say that I look forward to it being the end come April? Not to say I hate this phase I really don't, this phase has probably done us the most growing, I just look forward to it being over and starting on a new one.

All said, we did spend the last "not real" week of summer in a grand way. We went somewhere that has become a tradition of ours. We have gone there every summer we have been together. We spent the last week of summer at my grandparents cabin. Typically we have gone alone, because typically a vacation means going out of town leave those in town behind, but this year we met up with my family. It was joyous! 

(Starting Left: Paul,17, Michael,19, Me, Kirsten,24, Jessica,15, and Toby the dog)

We spent our time lazing about the cabin reading and playing games, occasionally taking a quick dip in the lake, and we even had a campfire. The sweet smell of smoke combine with the sweet taste of s'mores...so good. We sipped beers, ate Oreo's, and just genuinely enjoyed one another's company. It was pure bliss. I even got to enjoy a good gushy romance novel without feeling too guilty about it!

So now that we are back to reality and things are beginning to sink in, stress is higher, life is faster, and things need to be done, I can occasionally stop take a deep breath and know that I spent my "not last" week of summer enjoying the best company out there....my family. I can close my eyes and remember Ben playing the guitar as we tried to sing "Free Falling" by Tom Petty. I can remember running off the dock and feeling the cool water sink over my body and that moment of weightlessness as my body slowly rises to the surface searching for sunlight. I can smell the sweet fragrance that comes to me when I take my first step into the cabin. I can remember these things and be taken back there just for that moment then, when I come back to reality, I can let that stress melt off me and feel free...at least for a little while.

Excited.

I don't know why, I don't really have a selective reason but, I am excited. I guess just seeing how far we have come and being able know that with Ben's schooling the end is in sight just excites me. I am so excited about what our future has in store and I so look forward to enjoying every little moment as we grow old together, learning new things, trying new things, and becoming more and more in love.

Life hasn't always been easy for us, goodness it still isn't, but knowing that we have one another has always been an encouragement. We have been so fortunate.

Yesterday Ben took me out longboarding for my first time. He encouraged me, and helped me the whole way through, never pushing me to hard and allowing me to go at my own pace. I slowly was able to balance on the board, soon I was able to push myself on the board, and after an hour I was able to balance, push off, and stop myself, all while talking, for me that is an accomplishment. Something isn't worth learning if you can't talk while doing it.

While I boarder along in the parking lot we talked. We talked about how fortunate we are in that we have a loving and committed relationship and we are still young. Many people aren't able to find love until they are much older. We reminisced about our past year in a new place, officially a year on September 12. We talked about our hopes for our future.

I just feel so blessed to have someone I am so completely compatible with, who loves me through and through. I feel so blessed that I get to grow old with this amazing man. I feel so blessed that someday we will be able to parent together and watch as a child we created together grows and learns, and we too with it.

I am excited. What are you excited for?