Growing.

As I child I was always so excited to grow up. I would dream about my life, my future, how someday I would be taller and older, how someday I would be a wife, and how someday I would be a mom. I always dreamed about being a mom. I dreamed about the child I would have, what it would look like, what my husband would look like. How remarkable it is now, my life, where I am right now, is the stuff of dreams. This is what I wanted as a child, I always wanted this. I always wanted a quaint house with character, I wanted a husband who loved me so deeply, I wanted to grow a child inside me.

Growing. I have grown, I am growing, my child is growing. Yet, I am struck with how very fragile life is. I have already written my hopes and dreams on this child and it is only the size of a baseball. How remarkable life is, we all start out so small, so fragile, so easily broken, yet we are all so important and we all have a role.

As my body grows to accommodation this child I am continually reminded of how significant we all are. How even though we were all once just the size of a poppy seed, even then Jesus died for us. My child is already one of Gods children. How remarkably loved by God we are, we are all his precious children. We have all grown in the palm of his hand. He has plans for us, hopes for us, and dreams for each and every one of us. How perfectly loved we all are.

Content.

Today has been lovely. Quiet, easy, thoughtful. Today has been good. Today I layered myself in clothing pulling my shirts over the little bump that is growing slowly as the baby growing inside me starts to occupy more and more room. Yesterday was the first day I felt my bump and it felt like a bump and not just a little thickening. Just a small bump, growing a baby. Growing our baby. 

As I sat in my living room this afternoon, quietly enjoying the company of my hubby and cat, I found myself overcome with joy and had a few tears. I haven't really allowed myself to really enjoy my pregnancy yet. It has all been so very surreal and there have been small disappointments, and truthfully I've been scared of miscarrying. It was the first moment where it just felt so perfect and real. I was just so filled with joy and contentment I couldn't hold it all in and so a few delighted tears filled my eyes as I smiled over at my husband. It was a perfect day to end summer on.

Dear Baby,
We are so excited for you to join our wild and crazy life. You are so very loved and so very wanted. God is taking his time making you perfect and knitting you together in my body. You are the one God has decided we need in our family. We are so happy we get to be your parents.

Mom loves you.

(a small progression)

June 30th 2012

Dear Baby,

Today I took a test when I got home, a test that told me that I was growing you. Your dad didn't believe it, so he went and bought a digital test, and it confirmed the truth, I am growing you inside of me.

We are so excited. We have been dreaming about you my child, we have been hoping and praying that someday we would be ever so blessed to have you. It is still so surreal. I have a hard time believing it but, it is the truth. Soon we will be filling up our wee house with things for you, a crib, toys and teddy bears, clothes, and so much more. Soon you will be here filling our house with so much joy.

We have so enjoyed being two but we are so excited to make it three. We love you already. Keep growing strong my love.

Mom Loves you.

Expectations and Anticipations

I am someone who anticipates with great gusto. I love the excitement in the wait. I have great expectations for everything and enjoy each minute while anticipating a fantastic grand ending to the wait. With many people they would think, "What are you doing? You are lining yourself up with disappointment!" Lucky for me, my anticipation although great and full and my expectations though large are often also very simplistic. I am easy to please and I enjoy moments of simplicity. 

Not to say that I am never disappointed. I am. It does happen. I guess I just so enjoy the anticipation, the excitement, the waiting that I often look past those occasional disappointments and see the sweetness in the moment and get excited about those. So...right now I enjoy anticipating and the expectations and know that they will be exceeded.

Life, simply, is beautiful.

Summer

I love summer. As a child I lived for it. I love the beaches, I love the fruit, I love the lazy days laying in your back yard reading magazines. I love summer. The thing I loved most though, was going to my grandparents cabin. Oh, the days I spent there. Right on the water, that is the place I learned to swim. The campfires as night where we would all sing "free falling" and my Uncle would play the guitar. Our parents would put us to bed but we would be able to hear them minutes after tucking us in all still chatting by the campfire. The smell of it, I know that may sound weird but I love the smell.

(cousins and I at the cabin)

To me as a child summer was the cabin. This year we have yet to make an appearance, and I long to be at the cabin. I would love to be there with family and friends and enjoy this summer. I would love to walk through the corn maze at DeMille's farmers market, enjoy some gelato at The Pink Cherry, and spend time jumping off the dock seeing who can make the biggest and smallest splash. 

I look forward to years from now when all of us kids have kids of our own and our grandpa takes them on wagon rides pulled behind the ride on lawn mower.
 
We haven't gone yet this summer, and I doubt we will go. I will miss it this year but, next year it is going to be awesome. This year, I will have to learn to have a summer without and enjoy the moments here, at home.

What does summer look or mean to you? What is your symbol of summer?