Then something did. Something came to me and made sense to me, I got something and loved it, and I was good at it - for the most part. It's not that it was simple or easy, no it is hard, it's just that it came naturally - instinctively even.
I am not one to read a bunch of parenting books, so I didn't and I haven't. I am a pretty easy going person, maybe sometimes too easy going, and so I kind of just let things fall into place. I figured out my rhythm and just did what felt right to me. I didn't follow what it said in a book, or a blog, I followed what made sense to me. Most people would probably say I fall into the method of parenting called "attachment parenting" but honestly I'd just say my method is instinctive parenting. It came as second nature to me.
I was that kid who played dolls. I named my doll, I loved my doll, I would go to the thrift stores and buy tiny little sleepers for my little boy doll. I played with dolls until I was about 15, and even after that I would occasionally pick up my doll and hold him in my room as I sat in my bed doing homework or whatnot. I dreamed of motherhood. I could practically taste it. So, once it finally happened....I wanted to breath in every moment. My daughter was held a lot, close to my heart as the rhythm soothed her. She slept in a bassinet in our room until she was seven and a half months. She was my beautiful. She was my natural. She is what I did well.
I am by no means trying to say I am a perfect mom, or that my way is the only way. I am trying to say that for once I felt at home and comfortable with my ability. I knew what I needed to do to take care of my little baby's needs, and I did it well and smoothly.
I am an observer of my child, I am a student of my child, I watch her and learn her ways as she goes about her day. I figure out her cues and I watch her take in and absorb the world around her. I don't dictate play or routine, I also don't let her parent herself, I just figure out her needs and her signs for those needs and meet them in a way that is natural. I don't push my wants upon her, that doesn't help anything as she is such a strong willed little lady already, I observe her behaviour and mood and set a pace that makes sense for the day.
She is my natural.