Fear.

There is a lot of fear in parenting, I am really not immune. Bringing a child up in this world is not for the faint of heart, it is terrifying. Not only is this world filled with scary things, mixed up people, and difficult situations but, as a parent I am merely a human being which means I will inevitably mess up. What if I break her? Every so often when she is sleeping and before I go to bed I have to put my hand softly on her chest just to make sure she is still breathing. Yes, I can sometimes be slightly paranoid. Being responsible for the life of another wee and powerless human being is terrifying. 

That said, one can't live in fear...even when they are responsible for a whole other human being. Every evening when putting her to bed I have to trust that God will keep her safe while she sleeps. That her lungs will be strong and her body will be safe. The first month we were so cautious, Ben was so careful but, we can't tip toe around forever.

I guess what I am saying is, yes I am terrified sometimes but, I know that I'm doing my best and that for everywhere I am lacking God will be there to help me along. I wont be perfect, and she wont be perfect but we don't strive for perfection, we strive to be the best we can be, to better ourselves and improve upon ourselves. What is the point in stressing over things I have no control over anyway. I will do my best, because my best is all I can do.

We will continue doing are best and I am sure our best will get better with time but, at the moment she is thriving and we are all pretty darn happy. I have given up being anxious because it doesn't help any of us. I am sure there will be many more moments of fear but they will pass, what matters is how we react. I choose to learn from it what I can and with the rest, let it go. Hopefully as she grows I will be able to keep this mind set, I'll let you know more about fear when she is 18.


P.S. Could someone smart tell me how to get ride of that silly "image has been moved or deleted" thing at the bottom of my post? I am getting rather annoyed with it.