Isla is asleep as I write this.

The months have been whizzing by and I find myself dragging my feet in hopes that it will slow down. I have had no luck. Isla's first tooth popped last week as we were vacationing. I was happy we were with family because in the morning I was able to hand off my little child to my mom as I stumbled back to bed after a chaotic night of feedings every hour and crying inconsolably. I got two hours of uninterrupted sleep, it was heaven.

I sometimes feel guilty as a parent as she plays quietly on the floor and I go about my usual internet check - facebook, blogs, pinterest - should I be laying there beside her. Sometimes I put the computer down and go sit beside her look at here and watch her as she plays, sometimes I don't. Being a parent comes with a tremendous amount of guilt, you want to always do the right thing. But, we don't always know what the right thing is. Sometimes laying down on the floor beside her, watching her play and joining in when she gives me the opportunity is the right thing, sometimes it isn't. Sometimes it is okay for me to sit on the computer and let her entertain herself, sometimes it is the right thing. She needs to learn that it isn't bad to be alone, it is good to be able to play by yourself, it is good for her to find entertainment in other things besides other people. I also have to remember that it is good to be able to have an occasional mommy break and check the internet without guilt.
 
I don't want to be a helicopter parent, I want to be an engaged parent that shows genuine interest in their child but also promotes independent thought and action. I am not sure if there is a book on that, and if there is I'm not sure I'd read. I know what kind of parent I want to be so I will thrive to be that. God knows what she needs and he will give me the tools I need to parent her the way he wants me to. My job is to trust him and grow in him and pray that in doing so she will too. Right now she knows she is loved, so very loved.