Monday, February 24, 2014


(written on Thursday, February 13, 2014) 

the ground beneath me is sinking as I pound my feet walking back and forth, hoping my wee child will eventually grow tired and exhale a deep sigh, casting relief on both of us.

Her poor body trembles in my arms as it suffers its first cold. Her wee lungs cough and her body shakes, what is she to do with this new and unpleasant sensation. She cries and big tears roll down her cheeks, I pace.

Back and forth.

Back and forth.

I rub her back whispering sweet nothings in her ear. I tell her she is so very loved. Singing as I sway and walk.

4:30 am quickly rolls through and becomes 6:30 and I finally am able to lay her head to rest in her bed. My legs are stiff, aching, tired. My body longs for rest. I walk to my room and lay myself out on the bed, sleep falls upon me like gravity and all to quickly is taken away.

A cough.

A cry.

My baby awakes. Again she heaves her aching lungs and fills the house with her own little earthquake. I roll over hoping I just imagined such a sound. Again she cries. I force myself out of bed, her cries pull me to her room. She sees me and her face fills with relief as she heaves heavy breaths, her bottom lip bulges in the most heart wrenching pout. 

I rock her in my arms.

Back and forth. 

As we walk the small hall back to my bedroom. She pulls herself into me nestling her head against my chest, and nurses. She is rhythmic. Her poor nose so congested she struggles as she nurses, latching and re-latching as she soothes herself with my milk. I stroke her hair and cheek, damp with tears and sweat. It was a hard night. As she nurses she slowly slips back to sleep. She is mine, I am hers.

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