Thursday, April 7, 2011

The Window

You know those moments where you are left with your mouth agape, as if a door has been slammed close right in your face. I had one of those, left completely overwhelmed. I wasn't confused, bewildered, it made sense but it took me by surprise and I was at a loss.

This is typically the time I start looking for a window.
Before I could start looking, I had to cry. I cried, I mourned, I wept, I was a broken record of quick sucking of air in - huff puff - long slow release airy "ahh" for a few hours yesterday. I sat in my pj's either on my couch or in my bed with my lovely rather red tear stained face for a long time. 

I am in a familiar place and I am not liking it, it seems like only a few days ago I was here, it looks the same, but feels different. It is sadder this time. And although it is familiar, I am lost in it and I am getting taken in by it rather than ride through and continuing. It feels like to much. 

I'm not sure if I am ready to start looking for a window quite yet but I am thinking I may have to make myself ready. I need to keep going and as much as I'd love to sit in my misery just a little longer I don't think I can do that. It would be rather unfair to my hubby and well, lets be honest, it isn't really fair to myself either.

"We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as impossible situations."  -Charles R. Swindoll

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